Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My vagina is very pro this idea
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
