Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
