I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
