dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
