He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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