I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
