barbara walters just said penis...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
