I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
