Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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