Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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