sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
