I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
