And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
