Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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