Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
