he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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