I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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