dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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