well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
