just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
