would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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