I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
