I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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