Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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