cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just cropdusted the office
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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