dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm going to jail i love you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
