oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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