and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
