oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
