you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
