I want to walk on stilts...naked
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
