I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
