i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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