who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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