The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
