OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
