i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
