We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
