it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
