my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
