Kiss
Puke
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
