so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
