I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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