I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
