She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
