Screwed.edu
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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