Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
