u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
