ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We are two peas in an std pod
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
