this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
