i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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