Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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