my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
only if we run a train.
done.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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