you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
