Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
