You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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