he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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